How to forgive a partner who cheated? How to forget about cheating and restore trust in a relationship? It happened, but you still love him. You are bonded by your children and the years you spent together, so you stay. And everything seems to be going well, but for you time seems to have stopped…

Marriage is such a solemn moment – two young people promise each other love and fidelity for the rest of their lives. However, maintaining the latter is not always easy. All it takes is a vacation trip or a party full of alcohol to make you jump to the side. Yet any relationship, whether formal or informal, must be based on mutual trust. Many people seem to forget this.

Betrayal changes relationships forever, raising a number of issues in place of trust and a sense of security. For example, do we really know the other person and is it worth trying to preserve the feeling that binds us?

Returning to life after discovering betrayal is never easy. And it doesn’t matter whether the couple stays together or decides to separate. Appropriate therapy is often necessary to restore lost trust in a partner.

But betrayal can also be an opportunity to create a deeper, more fulfilling relationship. However, good intentions or declarations of improvement are not enough. On the contrary, to emerge victorious from such a serious crisis requires patience and hard work on both sides, and above all, forgiveness.

Forgiveness brings peace, especially in the life of a committed person. This frees her from the role of victim, gives her energy to act, and forces her to stop living in the past. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. You just need to know how to go through the process and truly forgive and not make empty statements.

Why does betrayal happen?

Biology is to blame. Statistics show that men cheat more typically than women. In a sense, there is a biological basis for this. A man does not invest as much energy into offspring as a woman (nine months of pregnancy and breastfeeding), so he can use it to find other partners. Thus, he has a chance to spread his genes (if, of course, these women become pregnant).

However, the greater availability and effectiveness of contraception now means that women no longer fear pregnancy due to infidelity. Despite everything, they cheat less typically than men.

When does betrayal most typically occur?

Men are visual creatures, so the trigger for cheating is… another woman. If a certain situation arises (such as the aforementioned alcoholic party or a longer trip), the Pledge of Allegiance is easy to break. However, women cheat if they feel that their partner does not value or understand them. Problems in a couple’s sex life often led to infidelity – especially if one of the partners has a high temperament and the other avoids sexual intercourse.

Betrayal can vary in intensity

Some people decide to have one-time and often casual sexual contact. Others cheat on their partner with another person from time to time – such relationships fall apart when the initial attraction fades a little.

There are also people who have to live in the triangle. Such a woman or man equally loves his official partner and the “other” and cannot refuse either of them.

How to find out if cheating has occurred?

The cheater most typically does not admit guilt, but his behavior changes. Either he suddenly shows a lot of tenderness towards his partner, or, on the contrary, he exaggerates his wife’s shortcomings. If she has children, she typically changes her attitude towards them (for example, they begin to bother her).

If we are talking about a long-term romance, and not about a one-time affair, late return home (of course, under the guise of a lot of work), failure to fulfill household duties, changes in appearance and sexual tastes (increasing or decreasing needs, as well as a sudden desire to experiment) become the rule. Of course, all these symptoms do not necessarily indicate betrayal, but often accompany it.

What to do if you discover betrayal?

Що робити, якщо ви виявили зраду?
What to do if you discover betrayal?

Finding out that your partner is cheating is always a shock. People who are emotionally involved experience this the most. Then the question arises: “What now?” It depends on what your relationship was like before. You definitely shouldn’t get carried away by emotions, because decisions made under their influence may not turn out to be the best and are often regretted later. First, you need to give yourself time to think.

After cheating on your partner, wait until your emotions subside.

Time gives the committed person a chance to sort through their emotions and understand what is important to them, rather than what should or should be done. Hastily closing the topic for the sake of children or out of fear of loneliness has nothing to do with real, sincere forgiveness and may even lead to another crisis. Time is significant because it allows us to consider whether what we feel for our partner is enough to start over. It helps us reflect on what we have found in our relationship so far, what has been missing, or why we have become distant from the person who was once so close to us.

Should I forgive betrayal or not?

First, you should think about what the motive for the betrayal was and its nature. A casual encounter under the influence of alcohol will be of a different caliber than a hidden affair that lasts many months, or repeated infidelity with different people.

The next step is to think about whether you can live with the partner who committed the betrayal, that is, whether you can forgive her. If not, then the question arises what life will be like without your loved one.

It is important to ask ourselves, can we forgive? Finding answers is not easy, so some women write letters to each other, others try to understand themselves with the help of friends or psychotherapists. Whatever method you choose, it is significant to be honest in your answers and give yourself permission to change your attitude.

For example, now we do not understand our husband’s behavior, and every memory of betrayal hurt, but this may change in a month or six months due to new circumstances. The most significant thing is not to be ashamed of your emotions and decisions. Take your time and don’t give in to peer pressure. This can even be provoked by a husband who wants to close an uncomfortable topic for him as quickly as possible.

Check to see if your partner expresses remorse after cheating.

Forgiveness does not exist without compensation, or, more simply, without a specific action on the part of the person who committed the betrayal. This is not just about the word “Sorry”, but about real, everyday behavior. If the husband does not try to hide the betrayal, does not maintain contact with his beloved, does not shift the blame to circumstances or other people, but takes responsibility for what happened and looks for ways out of the crisis, he makes it clear how important the attitude towards him is. We won’t notice this if we look at the other party’s behavior only through the prism of the harm caused.

Try to rebuild trust after betrayal

Indeed, it is difficult to restore lost trust, but it is easier to start a conversation with the participation of the other party. This is not about a one-time discussion, but about the desire to get to know each other and listen to what we say about our feelings, likes and desires. Couples who say cheating has strengthened their relationship are couples in which people have opened up to each other.

Introduce new rules into your relationship after your partner cheats.

Of course, it’s easier to forgive if we still love our partner and consider our relationship successful, no matter what. We can also deal with a one-time robbery faster than a long-term romance. Regardless of the circumstances, infidelity requires the introduction of new rules for the functioning of the relationship.

Sometimes they concern involvement in daily activities or transparency in the relationship between a man and a woman, and usually also greater intimacy between spouses. Following them allows the devotee to feel safe, restore trust in the partner, and forgive what just recently seemed so difficult.